what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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