He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
