12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is my gift to your gina
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
