Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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