You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
