So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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