those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
