Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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