You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
