How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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