New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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