I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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