I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
