This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
