she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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