I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
