so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize