He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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