so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
