Me. At least after what I've been through.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
