What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just gargled with NyQuil
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
