you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Shame - the story of my life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
