The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
