My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
