just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
