The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
