My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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