Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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