Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
