he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
