i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
