6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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