My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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