if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
