I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
