did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
