just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
