dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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