so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
