Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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