Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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