My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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