nut hugger
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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