This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
