i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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