This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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