I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
