I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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