Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize