She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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