You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
