if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
