Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize