so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
cat food counts as protein by the way
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
