oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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