If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize