I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
