the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
