It's Friday. Sex?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
