No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
