Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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