Michael Bay diarrhea
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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