We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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