At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
