ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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