What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
