He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
