im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
